("shame" pic from CBS)
A few recent posts, like mine below, or this one, and also the 5/8 post here, made me think about shaming and “you should” and the difficulty sometimes of making revelations without concern for the subsequent response or judgment.
Now of course this can be taken to an extreme, and there are many admissions that would be good cause for judgment. But I’m talking about consenting-adults, no-harm-no-foul kind of stuff.
So I thought it’d be cathartic, at least for me, to take this to the limit and ask anyone who’s up to the challenge to post three un-PC admissions. Please post them on your blog if you have one and link here, or put them in comments here. I promise, no responses other than unadulterated admiration.
Here are three of mine (and no, they’re not my MOST un-PC… I’m not THAT brave).
1) I like my men (man, these days) to be big and strong and hairy, like a large, smart Neanderthal with no back hair, and I like the size difference between us.
2) I used to think that making rain was vulgar and that time and its quality were more important. Now I still think there’s no way to buy time, but rain can improve its quality.
3) There’s a portion of the patriarchy that fucked me over at one point in my past, and I have since played a big role in dismantling it, by taking pieces of it and putting them elsewhere until what was left could not remain in the same form. Yes, I did do this deliberately (although it was a pretty solid business decision) and yes I did enjoy it.
41 comments:
a) (this is not one of the three) i loathe the term "p.c.", it feels like a quaint relic of the early 90's and mostly used these days when people want to excuse something really retro-ly racist or sexist or something equally dreary. which is not, i add, what i think you're doing here, and further shaming is not my intent. just notin'.
b) "making rain?" i dungeddit
okay, three things that are let's say unfashionable and embarassing in a number of circles:
1) I eat a lot of fast food burgers. like, constantly. there are about 8,000 reasons why this is a bad idea, from bad for you healthwise to crappy corporate practices to even crappier meatpacking practice to christ only knows if i have mad cow or what to hygiene to it doesn't even TASTE that good half the time and how frigging unoriginal, never even mind any potential arguments on behalf of the cowses...and i do it anyway. why? because the other half the time it -is- rather primally satisfying in a Pavlovian, greasy sort of way; it's cheap, it's fast, it's familiar, and it's -available,- and quite honestly there are times when nothing else (that is available) appeals at all. also: habit. the habit part, at least, i am trying to break.
2) I enjoy cheap schadenfreudische gossip about people I can't stand.
3) i am on the list of about 8,000,000 various Causes, most of which i care about in theory and these days nearly all of whose solicitations go straight into the trash (real or virtual), whether they want money or not.
4) i actually kind of enjoy Enya sometimes...
(4a?) i mean, I figure "rain" is probably "money" given the context, I've just never heard that term before...
Belle -- yes to 4a.
Re "PC," yeah, that's often the context. But not mine. On the other hand, I appreciate the thought, as if that's the vibe people get from the term, maybe I should avoid it.
Your admissions are so inspiring, here are three more:
1) I am finding that I am the kind of shallow person who is both (a) unable to successfully embrace my post-preg tummy pooch as "beautiful because it helped me create my daughter," or some such, and (b) willing to go beyond ab work to rid myself of it, if need be.
2) The cause I give most to, or let's be honest, it's about 90% of my charitable giving, is focused around children, not women per se
3) I just thought of several other things, but they were so embarrassing, uncool or both that I can't bring myself to admit them here.
I loveloveloveLOVE television.
I also love Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies (oatmeal roundies) and other toxic poisons. I love them better than organic fair-trade anything.
I will also splash around unashamed in a pool of schadenfreude, if I think nobody is watching.
In fact, there's nothing in the world I would like better than to share oatmeal roundies with Belle while watching Project Runway and saying mean things about people we don't like.
Heheheh....
1. I actually take pride in being pretty un PC in a WHOLE lotta ways.
2. I am pretty vain, and while I do think variety and many things are beautiful, when it comes to me, personally, if insane amounts of exercise, cosmetic surgery, expensive make up and skin care products, salon time and a rather silly amount of cash is what it takes...damn the torpedos, so be it!
3. I am so sick of hearing how bad "sluts like me" make other women look bad, I no longer care how I make them look, at all, and on occasion, the complaints inpire me personally to be....worse.
4. And for fun. I motherfuckin' LOVE "Survivor".
I love Survivor - I hope Yao Man wins.
I love movies and TV and could watch both all day, assuming there was something on I liked (Love the DVR) - in between playing the one or two computer games I really enjoy - Civilization IV being prime.
that list of Worst Lineup Ever Veronica posted?
..."Jessie's Girl" still kind of makes me happy. and, I -like- "Dust in the Wind," sometimes, in certain moods...some Moody Blues songs sometimes, too...
dbb inspired me...I could and have probably spent hours playing "The Sims," and if I had a computer capable of playing "Sims 2," i'd probably never leave the apartment again. it's just like real life, only easier and hence more satisfying! plus, better outfits and house decor, and oo, Now With Aliens!
OK AP, Ren, DBB, Belle -- I'm even more inspired now...
-- Nip/Tuck -- love it!
-- The L Word -- a not-even-guilty-about-it pleasure, and I used to be a member of the "I'd go gay for Shane" club before she lost too much weight
-- Starbucks and Coffee Bean -- I think their coffee is mostly better than the mom-n-pop storefronts.
-- Disney princesses -- I do hate the scarcity of princesses of color and I hate the whole "rescue" theme, but my daughter sure looks cute in those nightgowns.
"I am so sick of hearing how bad "sluts like me" make other women look bad, I no longer care how I make them look, at all, and on occasion, the complaints inpire me personally to be....worse"
This is SO cool. One of my husband's friend's wives is very "Ann Taylor" and it got back to me that she thought I sometimes dress "slutty." Plus it also reached my ears that when she found out that I'd been, gasp, a stripper, she dissuaded her husband from going out with us as a couple too often. Bad influence I guess. So, guess what I wear when we are out with them? Yes, full-on slutwear.
While like Belledame, I don't like the term "PC," I love this idea!
Will post mine at my place soon...
I promise not to be offended if anyone wants to re-title it "own your shit" or some such. Because such words were pounding inside my head just now upon reading this. I mean, after countless proclamations of how upsetting it is to be constantly propositioned and offered amounts like 10 Gs for one night, in snowsuits or 8 months pregnant, under the guise of (wait for it) bemoaning being part of the Sex Class, I'm having trouble digesting my hazelnut latte. I mean, is it REALLY necessary to give graphic descriptions of how insanely desirable you are to make this point? Or, are you really trying to make, um, another point?
Octo:
"interchangeable faceless fuckhole sluts" ????
Shit, should I add that to my resume????? I mean, I've been called worse, for fun and profit, but that has such a unique ring to it!!!
...and 10K for a night? Shit, SHOW ME THE MONEY!!
I guess I'm just not hot enough to get offered that kinda bank...
I shall now go drown myself in self-tanning lotion and slash at my wrists with my fake nails.
interchangeable faceless fuckhole sluts
They always manage to sound like really horrible porno copy. Which, let's not forget, they HATE. It dehumanizes women.
Amber: No kidding! Man, I betcha a JM Productions would hire a lot of folk, just on their ability to say "dirty fucking whores" in so many ways!
Seriously (i have caught Belles serial reply sickness), I now want to feature in a gonzo film titled "interchangeable faceless fuckhole sluts"... I mean, that's pretty good for pornospeak!
"I guess I'm just not hot enough to get offered that kinda bank..."
I'm with you. Also I was NEVER propositioned in my 8th month, or when snowsuited.
What I feel like saying to something like this is: listen, if you want to say you're hot, or talk about anything else unfashionable, or admit you have mixed feelings about it and that some of them are actually positive, just fucking say so. You won't lose IQ points, and people who care about you won't categorize you as hopelessly shallow with no redeemingly substantive characteristics. If they "get" you they'll find it charming. And if they don't, screw 'em.
Dressing it up via the formula of:
(1) topical feminist or otherwise substantive issue;
(2) self-serving fact;
(3) loose tie-in of (1) and (2);
(4) conclusion (eg: men hate you)
Just Does Not Fool Anyone.
octo: sometimes all i can think when reading those types of comments is "This one time, at band camp..."
I also gotta say (dammit belles serial posting is catching!), I read all the comments up in that thread. And people call ME violent???
"guns should be illegal for men and mandatory for women?"
Ahhh, yep. Mebe we should ALL take anger management together!
OK, inspired by the comments here:
1) When I read about the expensive propositioning, my first thought was, "Damn, why don't *I* ever get propositioned for a lot of money?!"
2) I am addicted to reality television - "Work Out" in particular.
3) Probably the most un-PC one of all: I kinda support the right to bear arms. Not to own assault rifles, mind you, and I'm totally about gun control and regulation, but I have always wanted to try target practice sometime.
Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and post a few "confessions" here...
1) I go to Starbucks twice a day on an average workday. I know it would be more hip/responsible/socially conscious/locally focused for me to patronize a local, independent coffee shop instead; but dammit, I LIKE Starbucks.
2) When the bf tells me I look hot or something like that, it makes me feel good. Yeah, yeah, I'm not supposed to base my worth on what anyone else thinks, certainly not a man. But let's be real - I'm not basing my worth on it. It just makes me feel good and is a bit of an ego boost.
3) Sometimes when I feel self-conscious (which is more often than I'd like to admit, so I guess that;s another confession) I go fishing for compliments.
plainsfeminist - I am right there with you... I support responsible gun ownership. And target practice is damn fun and - dare I say it? - empowering.
Plain(s)feminist, I'm going to have to check out "Work Out," I thought I knew all the reality shows but apparently have been missing out...
Amber, I think everybody fishes, some are just more honest about it. The whole post I linked was so full of fish hooks I'm afraid to go back or I might get hooked and be forced to say something like "yes you're beautiful but I won't hate you for it because it brings you such painful agony when you have huge sums of money thrust at you!"
I'd prefer something more unevolved, like going to my husband in something revealing and telling him I feel fat. That's about five kinds of wrong in the feminist handbook!
i skimmed it, mostly saw stuff about the creepiness of harassing dudes in cars, but, like i said, i skimmed it.
and i do agree with whoever said that really, you only have to be on foot and alone in some places.
on the other hand--when I first moved to Queens, I was infuriated by all the (black, tinted-window) cars that kept slowing down and the driver looking at me expectantly, even beckoning for me to get in. constantly! it took me a while to tweak that oh, actually those are the non-yellow cabs from local car services.
...yeah, okay, i'm gonna be the un-whatever term we're using and say: most of that thread didn't feel off to me. the ten grand one was a bit weird. mostly though: creepy harassing guys. who can be creepy and harassing no matter what you're wearing. with money or without. i dig it.
but, uh, yeah, that no one even blinks at "faceless interchangeable fuckholes"...
...
i dunno. -that's- weird.
Amber - you should NEVER feel guilty for patronizing the coffee place that makes the best coffee - that's the way it is SUPPOSED to be. If the local cafes want your business, they need to make better coffee, period.
You ought to check out the South Park that dealt with this issue directly...
And the "Ann Taylor" woman comment got me - my wife LOVES Ann Taylor. She has to wear business clothes and so that's where she shops (not the only place). But then when we went to a halloween party (many moons ago) she dressed up like (how she imagined it would be) a streetwalking hooker and enjoyed that as well (and it was entirely her idea). (Apparently some of the other men at the party enjoyed that as well - much to the apparent chagrin of some of their wives - which I found amusing).
I'm totally not ashamed of the TV I watch - Jericho, Survivor, ANTM, Battlestar Galactica, Stargate, Lost, CSI, Shark, Law and Order (x3), Heroes (awesome!), 24 (when it was good), House, Bill Maher, Sopranos, Penn & Teller: BS... that about does it. I love DVRs. I'd never be able to keep up otherwise.
Hellos, I was going to post here but the comment turned out to be a bit, ahem, long. So I'm just going to give the link here, because I dunno how to make a link in a comment.
http://arrogantworm.wordpress.com/
on the other hand--when I first moved to Queens, I was infuriated by all the (black, tinted-window) cars that kept slowing down and the driver looking at me expectantly, even beckoning for me to get in. constantly! it took me a while to tweak that oh, actually those are the non-yellow cabs from local car services.
LOL!! That's hilarious!
DBB -- nothing against Ann Taylor. They have some good stuff, and it's nice for the office. I'm thinking, from your halloween story, that your wife doesn't wear AT exclusively, and wouldn't get judgmental about someone else wearing something more flamboyant -- and it's that holier-than-thou attitude that gets me about the woman I mentioned.
Arrogant worm -- welcome. Interesting observations and I like the Steiger quote
oooohhhh, so many good ones. since i've already shared wayyyy too many times on my blog about my Dirty Dancing affection... I'll skip that.
1. i will flirt shamelessly with anyone in the service industry, because not only does it get me quicker service.... but they always flirt back... if only for a better tip.
2. it's been ages since i had one, but i used to love sandwiches made with steak'ums. you know, the frozen sheets of thin meat product, um ewwwww.
3. i know it's polite to thank people for worthless gifts, but on more than one occasion i have said to giver "what the fuck were you thinking? remember giftcards are your friend"... if it only happened once i wouldn't be such a bitch for it.
Things I'd rather people didn't call me on or bring up in public.
I save gifts like that to give to other people who would make use of 'em. Which (unfortunately for me) is most of the crap I get. I also, occasionally, sell the stuff, and woe betide me if the person finds out. I figure it's better than throwing it away, but they don't seem to agree with me.
Mmm, I'm addicted to moon pies and those Little Debbie cupcakes that they don't seem to make anymore. Not the ones covered in chocolate, but the actual cupcake with filling. Haven't found them in years.
....andIalsolistentocountrymusic. Not much of a secret, but it's not something I hear or see many people admitting to. And perhaps two or three songs by the Backstreet Boys. But that's it, so help me.
On my iPod, I have: several songs by the Backstreet Boys, N Sync, and Britney Spears. I also have Air Supply's Greatest Hits, and of that, I am not ashamed, because it is awesome.
amber, i unapologetically have a crush on the guy with big eyebrows from Backstreet Boys...
1. I actually like that damn Avril Lavigne "Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend" song.
2. No, I love that fucking song.
3. I play it regularly in my head around a certain couple I know, and have been known to hum it in an unassuming, "Oh, did I do that out loud?" kind of way in their presence. And I'm pretty sure she gets it, even if he doesn't, and I don't feel bad about that.
"Work Out" is awesome. And actually, it's not necessarily a guilty pleasure - lots of positive queer role models, lots of positive portrayals of people of size working out...good show!
1) I am so with Baby221 on that song and doing that.
Because the girl I do it to is a complete frootbat in so MANY different ways.
When asked (by him) what I thought of their relationship, I believe my answer was "we can't stop here, this is bat country."
Along with the appropriate cat macro.
2) ...I really like that Nickelback "you're my favorite damn disease" song, too.
Actually, I probably like a lot of music that isn't particularly feminist. Or feminist at all.
Anyway.
3) I, too, am a sucker for lifestyle TV. Especially X-Weighted, where the goal is for people that are extremely overweight to lose between 30-80 pounds. I also love drama, especially procedural dramas. And Heroes.
3a) In fact, I love TV so much that I want to get into the industry. I'm working on it.
Baby221, sounds like there's an interesting story there.
Alex, welcome. And good luck with the biz.
Thanks :)
Oh, but I gotta contest Starbucks as #1. Though you don't have it in the States (most of them, anyway...), take my word for it - Tim Hortons has the best coffee. ;)
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